Dear Fellow Traveler,
Life has a way of throwing us into the deep end—especially when it comes to love and relationships. Maybe you’re standing at a crossroads, hesitating to set boundaries or walk away because you’re wondering if this is just what love requires. Maybe you were told that love means enduring anything, sacrificing everything, and ignoring red flags as if they were mere decorations at a parade. But here’s the truth: Real love is not reckless, one-sided, or harmful.
So before you doubt yourself, let’s do a little love check-up.
What is Authentic Love? (Spoiler: It’s Not Just a Feeling)
Many of us have absorbed some pretty wild ideas about love from movies, music, and maybe even well-meaning advice. Real, biblical love isn’t just about butterflies—it’s about responsibility.
- Love isn’t supposed to drain you dry while the other person thrives.
- Love isn’t endless sacrifice while one person takes and never gives.
- Love isn’t tolerating disrespect in the name of patience.
- Love is mutual care, commitment, and godly treatment of one another.
Ephesians 5:25 tells husbands: “Love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” That’s a sacrificial, intentional, and respectful love. But let’s not forget Ephesians 5:33, where wives are called to respect their husbands. See that balance? Love and respect—both are necessary.
If a relationship feels more like an emotional hostage situation than a healthy partnership, that’s not love. That’s dysfunction with good PR.
The Responsibility of Each Person in Love
Love is not just about emotion; it’s about action—and both people have responsibilities:
- Love is a Choice, Not Just a Feeling
Feelings are great, but if they were the foundation of love, we’d all be in trouble by the third week of marriage. Biblical love chooses kindness, patience, and faithfulness (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).
- Respect Must Be Mutual
If one person is always demanding, controlling, or dismissive, that’s not love—that’s dictatorship. Love calls for mutual encouragement (Ephesians 4:2), not one person doing all the emotional heavy lifting.
- Honesty and Growth Are Required
Love doesn’t mean tolerating lies, manipulation, or immaturity. It means encouraging one another toward godliness (Hebrews 10:24). If someone refuses to grow, that’s their choice—but it doesn’t have to be your burden.
- Boundaries Are Loving, Not Selfish
God created boundaries for a reason. Jesus set them (Luke 5:16, John 2:24), and so should we. Allowing someone to repeatedly mistreat you isn’t love—it’s enabling bad behavior.
Overcoming Hesitation: Are You Misunderstanding Love?
Maybe you’re hesitating because you think:
- “If I really love them, I should put up with this.”
→ No. True love doesn’t excuse poor treatment—it invites growth.
- “But relationships take sacrifice!”
→ Yes, but sacrifice should never mean sacrificing your peace, dignity, or God-given purpose.
- “Isn’t love supposed to be unconditional?”
→ God’s love is unconditional. Human relationships? They have conditions like respect, honesty, and commitment. Even God requires repentance for restored relationship (Luke 13:3).
- “But they have potential!”
→ So does a potato, but you don’t marry it and hope it turns into mashed potatoes by force of will. Love the reality, not the potential.
Biblical Steps to Test and Retest the Relationship
Before you continue investing in a relationship, take it through this truth test:
- Is this relationship producing good fruit? (Matthew 7:16-20)
→ If all you’re harvesting is stress and disappointment, it’s time to reconsider.
- Do both people honor God in their treatment of each other? (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)
→ If love is looking more like control, manipulation, or indifference, it’s time to face the truth.
- Are you growing closer to God or farther away? (James 4:8)
→ If this relationship is pulling you from faith, it’s not God’s best for you.
- Are your fears or guilt-based beliefs clouding your judgment? (Proverbs 29:25)
→ Fear of being alone is never a good reason to stay in an unhealthy relationship.
Truth-Based Affirmations (Battle-Tested and Approved)
Lie: “If I set boundaries, I’m being unloving.”
Truth: “A prudent person foresees danger and takes precautions.” (Proverbs 22:3)
Lie: “But what if they change?”
Truth: “Each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.” (Romans 14:12) They are responsible for their choices, not you.
Lie: “Love means always forgiving and forgetting.”
Truth: “Be wise as serpents and innocent as doves.” (Matthew 10:16) Forgiveness is commanded; forgetting foolishness is not.
Lie: “But I’ve already invested so much time!”
Truth: “Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on.” (Philippians 3:13-14) God has better things ahead—don’t let the past trap you.
Encouragement to Take Action
You are not wrong for wanting a love that honors God and brings peace. If a relationship is built on exhaustion, disrespect, or unmet expectations, it’s okay to take a step back and reassess. God calls us to love wisely, not blindly.
A Prayer for You
I pray that God gives you clarity, courage, and wisdom. May He lead you to relationships that reflect His love—ones filled with truth, respect, and joy. And may He also give you the discernment to recognize when it’s time to say, “God bless you… from a distance.”
If you need encouragement, a place to grow, or just some real, biblical wisdom on love and relationships, I invite you to join us at Douglass Hills Church of Christ. We’re a community that seeks God’s wisdom, supports one another, and understands that sometimes, love requires a little humor.
Meeting Times:
- Sunday Worship: 9 AM & 11 AM
- Bible Study: Sunday @ 10:10 AM, Wednesday @ 7:00 PM
📍 300 Burnsdale Road, Louisville, KY 40243
📞 (502) 245-0573
May you walk forward in faith, knowing that God is guiding your steps.
In Christ,
A Fellow Believer